Dating Nightmares. How do you do it?

Dating Nightmares. How do you do it?

Topic Author: Christine Bellport

Posted: 4:41 PM Apr 8, 2008

Replies Posted: 45 comments

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Dating Nightmares. How do you do it?

Hello,

Dating is hard enough as it is, but the scene in the Madison area is just...LAME when it comes to places where singles can mingle. Many of my friends are over bars. At least, not as a place to meet other people. But where do you go to meet other singles and how to you make the first move?

In this week's Hot Trends on Wednesday night at 5pm (and again on The Morning Show around 5:08am), I interviewed a dating coach. She had some pretty good advice. Her team includes an image consultant and an interior designer to check out "your look" and bump it up a notch. She says the #1 turn off for men is when a woman has too many stuffed animals in her home (bedroom to be exact). The #1 turn off for women is Star Wars action figures and/or posters in a man's home. That would freak me out. www.getouttheremadison.com

She also said that people often times blow the date by talking too much and not doing enough listening. I have been out on dates where I could not believe that my dates did not notice my eyes glazing over. Maybe they were just nervous. But is was hard to imagine a second date with someone who is not a good listener.

And then there are the nightmare dates... I took a date to a station party in San Diego where he got drunk and started to do MAGIC TRICKS. I wanted to die! Seriously, how do you even THINK of that? Yes, he brought props. Those fake "Redneck Teeth" and a $20 bill on a string. He dropped it in front of my General Sales Manager and when he bent over to pick it up, he pulled it away. He also asked our HR person (who was holding a baby) if she was the child's grandmother. She wasn't. She was only in her late 40's. It was her friend's baby, too.

Back to my original point. I went out to watch a band last weekend with friends. Two of my single gal-pals were just sitting at the table! I noticed two men standing nearby. So I brought them over to our table and introduced them. It is easy to do when I do it for someone else. Honestly, the men seemed relieved to have me break the ice for my friends.

I always hear from friends that every nice guy/gal seems to be taken already. Ever notice that? And if you start a conversation with someone in line for coffee or at the grocery store, for example, they look at you like you are wearing your bra outside your shirt or something! I also hear that Madison is just a tough place to meet people in general.

So jump on here with your suggestions or funny/annoying date stories. There is safety and POWER in numbers. We are out there!

Christine

Posted by: Erin Are you going to settle for Mr. Right Now or will you wait for Mr. Right?

Posted by: Ray Location: Mond
michelle....maybe Christine wants to find the perfect woman. please don't assume she needs a man in her life.

Posted by: Michelle Christine- so settle down already! You sound more than ready and just need to take the plunge. You know what you want so don't waste any time and go after it. Or him. go after him. You will know when you know and not a moment sooner. There, I hope you feel better and can just relax and trust in the universe. Have you ever heard that when you stop looking they appear? Let us know how it's going for ya!

Posted by: MJ Location: Madison Westside
Madison is a very difficult place to find the right person. Its a very diverse community and its demographics lean to "horrible" to "very horrible" on the dating scale for the 30-40 something singles w/o children types. I grew up mostly in Madison and have lived in a mumber of cities in the southern U.S. I've traveled everywhere and always missed Madison (with the exception of last winter). Madison has a lot to offer, but it is a utopian city for everything except single professionals. A lot of transplants come to Madison because they want to make some sort of statement, work for the governmental agencies, are needy or have just been hanging around for a while ( see Mayor Paul Soglin). If you’re not on one side or the other…..yer not dating. I’ve given in. I’m 42, but look much younger. I’ll date the radicals and agree with them until I find the right one… Good Luck Christine and Godspeed. Thank you…..

Posted by: Mike and P@ Location: Madison
First of all, why does it have to be "meet and size up for a relationship"? Why can't it be "Meet and be friends, and go from there"? Go places you like to go, do things you like to do- if there is someone there, perhaps you share a common interest, if not, try some things different! Bars went out in the 70s! As for the star wars action figures, perhaps the person is a divorced father, and has visitations with a child that likes star wars? W-O-W! What a snap judgement! BTW, If you look up Star Wars action figures on EBAY, you'll see that some of them go for upwards of $500, so your creepy guy might just be a talented investor in an underappreciated market! Sometimes the chubbiest friends with a dog can make a great social partner, and grow from there... but you'll never know unless you take friends up on dinner offers and stuff, or aren't upfront of what your feelings are. Guys like to hear "i'd just rather be friends" than waste a lot of energy/ money trying to "woo" you off you feet

Posted by: Frank Location: Franksville
Oooooooh Sarah......you got a facial by anon from Madison!!! Probably his current girlfriend or something. See now fellow, don't be starting rumors or stoking the fires!! Poor Christine will be put in the middle.

Posted by: Anonymous Location: Madison
Charlie is NOT available!!!

Posted by: J Location: pardeeville
Sarah...how do you know all this gossip? Didn't know Charlie was divorcing....but look at her response to Jay...dating a fellow media member is a disaster.

Posted by: Sarah Daniel is right- you and Charlie are HOT! Charlie is available- going thru divorce or maybe it's finalized by now. You'll have to learn to golf first. :)

Posted by: Jeremy Location: Madison
Hey, yeah... Women should do the whole on-line dating thing. The numbers are CERTAINLY in their favor. However, when they complain about how many losers their are it just proves once again how picky they are.

Posted by: Emma Location: Baraboo
YOu just can never give up. I tried on-line dating several times and while it takes time and you meet a ton of losers youc an also meet a few really nice people in the same situation. On-line is really the hot spot.

Posted by: Christine Location: Madison
Hi Jay, I forgot to post my opinion on Fish. That pretty much says it all, doesn't it? I have met him a few times and really like him. However, I don't think we would be a good fit on several levels. He is very cool, but dating another media person is a nightmare. I have tried it in other markets. D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R.

Posted by: Jay Location: Portage
Daniel, Charlie is married. But what about Fish from Connie and Fish? Come on Christine, give us an opinion on that one. (Don't think he reads this blog)

Posted by: Daniel Location: Janesville
Christine, What about you and Charlie? Seems like there might be some sparks there!

Posted by: Alli You say that you screen all your email blogs so this will not get posted I would imagine. If so, fine too. Please know that people care about you and your future happiness. You say that you would rather be alone than in a bad relationship. Be true to yourself if you really believe that. Worried viewer.

Posted by: JAY Location: Portage
Tammy...men deserve the best too! We're not your little doormats!

Posted by: Leslie Location: Mount Horeb
You're right! It must be really hard to be so a-MA-zing! Good luck finding Mr. Perfect with the 6-figure paycheck, perfect build, wonderful personality, and Rolls Royce! Of course, this is probably WAY off base, but finding someone who's humble might be nice as well.

Posted by: Tammy C'mon Jay. You can't be serious. Do you think beautiful, talented, charming women have it easy? We are not going to settle for anything but the best. Yes, we are too picky and it's because we deserve the best!

Posted by: Kevin Steve-o is right. It's all about the fairy tale and "having it all". Guys aren't perfect and neither are women. Get used to it. This probably depresses a lot of women, but you may not have your "other half". Some people spend their whole lives single and seem to get by.

Posted by: Jay Location: Portage
I guess I want to know Christine's issue...is there something wrong with you? (too picky, etc) or have you really found no one. i can't believe with your looks, charm, personality....great guys aren't coming out of the woodwork to snatch you up.

Posted by: Jan I'm really worried about someone who is in and out of a dating nightmare. I've tried to help but I don't think this person wants to listen or look at the warning signs. Do we all have to learn the hard way? One of my bridesmaids told me years later that she was physically ill over who I chose to marry and wondered if I would have listened to her if she had been brave enough to tell me how concerned she was. Unfortunately she never had the courage and it may have saved me a lot of heartache. Am I angry that she didn't step up? Yes. What would I do in the same situation? I'm haunted by this now wondering what I would have done. Once everything is planned and set I think it takes the strongest person in the world to call off a wedding. I know people who have and I admire them so very much. Am I that person? I may never know.

Posted by: Bonnie I don't date people who are "lost" and have no direction in life.

Posted by: Sandra I'd like to share a very helpful site with you- www.lovefraud.com Knowledge is POWER and the more we can learn about the dynamics of relationships the stronger we will be and better choices we will make on who to date.

Posted by: Roxanne Location: Madison
Madison is a tough place to meet people. What others states can we try Christine? If not WI, where? I'll call the movers and start packing with you. Isn't Virginia the state for lovers? A friend of mine wanted to set me up with her wealthy friend with a big gut. Hmmm... She kept gesturing the big belly with her hands as she was telling me he had money and was nice. Madison is LAME for singles.

Posted by: Steven Location: Janesville
Gosh, men are just jerks, ain't we? Guys, let this be a lesson. Women want the perfect fairy tale and have impossible standards. Unless you're rich and have more skills than Batman, women will always think you're not good enough. Karen's right... don't waste your time looking for Captain Wonderful. He ain't there.

Posted by: Karen Location: Illinois
YES! I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship too. We cannot settle just to have someone who we know is not right for us. And if we are waiting for them to "change" it's going to be a long wait. I think it's great if women know what they want out of life. I am so happy being single I know a relationship that may come later will only enhance my life. It took me a long time to figure out that my singleness is a gift. I am truly free to live a great life that I prayerfully direct with God. My marriage was a nightmare. The dating part was fun because I was being conned that he was capable of loving-which he is not! Girls, please look at the red flags and don't get involved. You may be dealing with a very unhealthy person who can cause lots of damage in your life and really rip up your heart.

Posted by: Mark Location: Appearing out of thin air
As a professional magician, I am saddened and slightly insulted by the lack of respect for my chosen occupation :(

Posted by: Christine Location: Madison
Hi Sharon, I am not "lonely or bored" but at 40, I am ready to share my life with someone. I just am. I have lived in 5 states and the District of Columbia. I have done all I want to do as a single woman. I have a lovely group of friends and I enjoy Madison, but this is something that I want and would like for myself. Am I falling apart without a relationship? No. But I would like to be in one and I think it is perfectly ok to search for it and admit that I am. However, I would rather be alone than be in a bad relationship. I think that is something we all need to remind ourselves of when we start dating. I want to share my life with someone and hope to find it one day. Christine

Posted by: Sharon Location: Middleton
I don't understand. Is it some sort of requirement to be married or in a committed relationship? It's OKAY to be single! Maybe people are just lonely and/or bored.

Posted by: Al Location: Lake Delton
Hi Christine, it is hard for me to think of some one like you having a hard time finding someone nice.What I see on TV you seem very nice. I on the other hand have been fat all my life, and trying to date when one is fat (I hate being called that) one's choices go away. I looked at it that way for years, and I was alone for years. I learned after a while and finding the wroung person for me, that I was more than a fat man, so I put a ad in the shopper stopper that went something like this. 1954 model low miles, no rust, well maintained, love long moolight drives, seeing the trees change, movies, state parks, and much more. When I did this I received many responces from people that would very never taken the time to get to know me other wise. I am married some 12 years now to one of these ladies that I met from my ad, and she told me if we had not taked first she would have never have dated me, for my size. Change that way one looks at life, and life will change.

Posted by: laurie Location: nebraska
i just moved from wi to ne to be closer to my son and let me tell you christine in a town of 2700 people i'm finding it real hard to meet anyone..i tried the gym..tried the bars and i'm almost ready to move back to wi! if there is any place else to look for guys somebody please let me know!

Posted by: TJ Location: Madison
Fate plays a big role in what you wish to accomplish. What you perceived to be a nightmare in SD may have not been so bad to somebody else (except the baby-grandmother thing). Being a good listener is tantamount to any relationship (aka communication), and is something you should look for. Judging a man for collecting Star Wars figures or a woman for collecting stuffed animals is irrational. There is a difference between creepy and just a fan. I think the key is to keep an open mind. I was the guy who intoduced my friends to the girls for many years. It became my turn when I least expected it, in fact, after a heartbreak. Fate reared its head, and now I couldn't imagine being with anybody else, ever. I was a frog to several woman, but finally became Prince Charming to the right one. And it took the divine kiss from that right woman to change me into him, as not just any woman could do it. She saw me for the kind of man I always knew I was, and I have no doubt we're forever. It happens!

Posted by: John Location: Marquette
Hey Christine, what about Fish from Connie and Fish? You and him are pretty much in the same boat as far as dating goes. And I remember he severly hit on you when you were a guest on their morning show a while back. You need to do online chats so we can get your responses to these blogs.

Posted by: Jokeman Location: Middleton
So Christine , lets start the Madison dating club , membership, screening etc...

Posted by: Annie I got divorced in '93. Three years ago I bought a house in a small town. Once people knew that there was a "single lady" in town, everyone started trying to hook me up. After many misfires, one even proposed on our first date, I met the man of my dreams at our local bar. I went by myself 'cuz I had nothing better to do that night. It changed my life! We are now very happily married. Anyone who says you can't find true love in a bar is wrong. My folks met at Rusty's in 1963 and are still very happiliy married. You just have to find the right guy. He's out there! Mine was and I had kissed a whole lot of "frogs" before finding him. I wish we would have met 25 years ago. But then I don't think we'd appreciate each other as much. We're both in our 40's and have kids and grandkids. Just wait, it'll happen to you as well. Good luck! As cool and pretty as you are, you should have no problem. We'd like to hang with you! Love the morning show!

Posted by: Kevin Location: Sun Prairie
Hi Christine, I agree with you that this area is tough to date in, even though I am in Sun Prairie. But I have to say that the women I've met are as bad as the men you've mentioned. I've been on several dating sites and keep my pictures posted so that at least I am recognizable when I go out, but a lot of women have picture that cover the spectrum of decades, hair colors and body styles. SO when you do finally met you are not sure who you are meeting. I consider myself a pretty decent guy who works hard, who is north of 40 and make sure that honesty, integrity and openess are part of both my personal and prfessional life. There are still a lot of us "decent" guys out here and I am sure that are a lot of "wonderful" women out her too, the trick as you allude too is to find them. Keep the faith, Christine, you appera to appear to be a great person with a great personality (and a sense of humor to boot). Best of luck.

Posted by: Beth Location: Middleton
Jay, if you take away people who are divorced, have kids out of wedlock, have drug/alcohol issues, or only have "average jobs" and not high-powered careers... there probably aren't a lot of people left.

Posted by: Sandy Location: Madison
MATT.... what are you wearing?? HAHA Just kidding. And for the record, I do have high standards but I think they're attainable standards. Like being honest, being able to have a conversation, and respecting me for my beliefs and not belittling me for them. I don't think that's too much to ask. :)

Posted by: Jay Location: Portage
I get a kick out of Don and all those other guys who think they are going to get a date with Christine by sweet-talking her on this blog. Sorry guys....ain't gonna happen....EVER!!! I'm married, but I love to go out an people watch. It is quite entertaining to see people try to hook up. My philosophy about dating is to first have someone who can vouch for the person you're about to go out with. (Not that he or she is THE one, but at least is worth putting effort into)Second, avoid baggage. People who are divorced, had kids out of wedlock,have drug/alochol issues, have jobs instead of careers, etc....Don't want to offend people, but these are characters issues you don't want to deal with. It will come back to bite you later on. Finally, have fun. Pull your own magic trick and disappear....approach the guy once in a while, and expect a connection when you least expect it.

Posted by: Don Location: Arlington
Dating has changed SO MUCH in the last 15 years!! It sucks. I almost hate the idea off dating now. I think I have forgotten everything in the past years. The bar scene is scary. I won't be finding the my Mrs. Right in any bar. I hope you get a lot of good response Christine, I need them too. By the way, What are you doing Saturday night? wink-wink

Posted by: Matt This is a different opinion, but I think being single is GREAT. A lot of the girls I've been out with had very high standards so I found it difficult to be myself. For the record, I have a decent job and am average looking. Angela's right, enjoy yourself! Getting married is lame.

Posted by: Mindi Location: Madison
Oh Mylanta your date with David Copperfield was AWESOME!! and better yet you probably had to be crucified by your co-workers after that!! Dating....don't do it. Freshly divorced, I need not to explain further so I will tell a nightmarish tale. Picture it, Chili's 7:30 waiting to be seated. My date asked to use the restroom. Upon return I notice this flaky booger in his right nostril that flaps like a tiny flag that kids have at parades everytime he exhales....do I tell him? We are seated....still flapping I am grossed out by now and look over at my purse to fake getting something to not stare at repulsive focal point I now have. I look back him cause he asked me something when to my delight the boog has flown away to booger heaven....now where did it go? I pass up on appitizers....After dinner he opens the car door for me and on the way to his door shoots off a little bunny that followed him in the car, so now I am inhaling a cloud of methane everytime I inhale. Extatic to get home.

Posted by: Angela Location: Madison
I think that just about everyone I know who is single in Madiso has those dating nightmares! There was the first date tht got drunk and I had to drive HIM home. There was the guy who told me about his multiple suicide attempts on our very first date...before the waiter had even been to our table! Another first date involved my date complimenting me numerous times on how well I used my silverware. Shouldn't the ability to use a fork and knife just be a given? I really couldn't figure him out. Having said all of that....I remain a romantic. Maybe we have to go through the nightmare dates to really appreciate the good men out there. I really believe that we have to keep opening our hearts and taking the risk to allow someone new into our hearts. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy being single and having the freedom to do what I want to when I want to!

Posted by: Sandy Location: Madison
Its not just about actually meeting someone, but its about meeting someone NORMAL. Someone who won't cheat on you, someone who won't come home drunk every weekend, and someone who won't do magic tricks! (HAHA) My issue isn't even where to meet men, its where to meet the RIGHT man.

Posted by: Keekster Location: Madison
I hear ya, sista. I've recently moved back to Madison and am finding it quite difficult to meet singles of the opposite sex. Now, don't get me wrong. If you want to "hook-up" with someone, it's there and easy to attain. I'm talking about finding someone to keep around. Someone to take to social functions -- and preferably with their own tux -- but I'm not going to be picky on that one. Someone who can be comfortable just hanging out at home. Someone with a brain in his head. Someone who doesn't necessarily like everything I do, but understands what I do and may want to experience it every once in awhile. I've tried internet dating, had some success there, but truthfully had to plow through thousands of responses lies and deceivings. So, where's a girl go? Grocery store. Fundraisers. Events representing things you enjoy. Travel alone. But most of all, lift your head up, open your mouth and introduce yourself. Many men are as afraid of rejection as you.