Should We or Shouldn't We?

Should We or Shouldn't We?

Topic Author: Leigh Mills

Posted: 11:16 PM Feb 12, 2008

Replies Posted: 8 comments

Save

Recent Blog Topics

Font Size:

I have been inundated with emails and comments posted to my story, “Faith’s Legacy,” which aired Monday, February 11 at 10pm. While many of the comments are complimentary, a few are quite critical, specifically of our usage of photos of a stillborn baby. I hope this entry will explain why I decided to use the pictures and why I believe it was the right choice.

According to the Wisconsin Stillbirth Service Program, every year in the United States 25,000 babies, or 68 babies every day, are born still. That’s about 1 stillbirth for every 115 births. It’s common and yet we never hear about it and especially not the treatment/healing options available for grieving families. Why?

When I met Tracey and Rick at Faith’s Lodge, they immediately explained how much they were looking forward to sharing their story. In fact, they felt as if they hadn’t had the opportunity to do so up to that point. Most of their family and friends were afraid to bring it up for fear it would cause them more pain. But what they really want is to talk about their baby and show his pictures. As Tracey showed me her scrapbook, I could see in her face how much she loved C.J. and how beautiful he was to her.

Don't get me wrong. We discussed at length whether we thought it was the right thing to do to use the photos. But after reviewing them, we came to the consensus that they were appropriate. Baby C.J. looks like he's sleeping. The reality is he died. But I don't believe the photos are at all distasteful or disturbing. I would argue that leaving them out would leave you, the viewer, with an incomplete story. How can you connect to this family's pain? Seeing them holding C.J. and looking at their faces tells the story better than any words I could write.

Thank you to everyone who posted a comment on the story. I respect your opinions, whether you agree with me or not and I appreciate knowing how you feel about the stories we work so hard on. I’m glad this has generated a good discussion, as I believe in my heart if it helps one family, it is well worth it.

Please direct your comments here so we can continue this discussion. I just ask that you be sensitive when selecting your words. It's easy to just type and hit send. But remember, a human being with feelings is on the other end. And while I can take criticism, nasty as it may come, those who were courageous enough to share their story shouldn't have to.

If you haven’t seen the story, click on the following link and draw your own conclusions:

http://www.nbc15.com/home/headlines/15532172.html.

Comments are posted from viewers like you and do not always reflect the views of this station.

by Patti Location: Pardeeville, WI on Feb 28, 2008 at 09:54 AM

Leigh, This is such a powerful story and you did such a wonderful job of sharing it. I realize there are many people out there who have never lost a child, but there are also MANY of us who have and are still remebering our children and those terrible first months (years?) following his or her death. My neice and her husband lost two prematurely born sons last year and they were both helped in their grief by a visit to Faith's Lodge. It gave them time alone as a couple and it gave them a place where it is acceptable to express their grief in tangible ways. Thank you for this story and please consider continuing to educate people concerning the devastation of pregnancy and infant loss. So often, it is the grieving parents who wind up doing the educating of friends and family members at a time in their lives when they should be accepting comfort instead of justifying their need to grieve the loss of their precious child. Thank you again.

Reply [ Report Abuse ]

by Brenda Location: Fort Atkinson on Feb 17, 2008 at 08:04 PM

Leigh, I think that you did an amazing job presenting the story about Faith's Lodge and the Meskers family. Never during the piece, and looking at his pictures, did it even occur to me that Baby C.J. had passed, as he looked as if he was asleep, but more than anything, at peace. The photos of Baby C.J. showed the love that they had for their son by not only creating memories of him, but creating memories that we have been fortunate enough to have shared with us as well. I hope that families who have endured similar situations, who may have suffered the loss of a child, or are experiencing difficult times in their lives with a child who is ailing, will find comfort at Faith's Lodge. I give kudos to you and the family for sharing their story with us. Thank you.

Reply [ Report Abuse ]

by Ted Location: Madison on Feb 14, 2008 at 05:56 PM

Leigh I think you covered the story with a very caring touch. It is very difficult to deal with death and I applaud this family for sharing their story. To those who want to fire off imflamitory emails, please step back and put yourself in someone elses situation for a moment. I applaud Leigh and the family for having the courage to share this story as part of the grieving process. To those who were critical, perhaps you should look inward as to why you need to judge others during such a difficult time. Leigh: give Robb and Duncan my regards!

Reply [ Report Abuse ]

by Dave Location: Madison on Feb 14, 2008 at 09:13 AM

What a sad story, but one that needs to be told in order to educate and spread awareness. Thanks again Leigh for bringing another important cause to light, you are an amazing journalist and human being, and I have great admiration for you. Thanks to the family for sharing their story. Since I don't have children of my own, I cant begin to imagine what the pain of losing one must be like. I hope that by sharing their story and by celebrating Faith in some way this will bring healing to the family.

Reply [ Report Abuse ]

by Sara Location: Madison on Feb 13, 2008 at 06:28 PM

I saw the story, and after giving it some thought I actually think that the use of the pictures was appropriate because they really did convey the feelings behind the story. I guess the only way the pictures would really have been inappropriately used would be if you didn't have the OK by the parents (and I'm assuming here that you did)- otherwise that would have been a little insensitive. Having said this, I'm so happy you did this story because I think it has huge potential to help a lot of people who may not have known that Faith's Lodge even existed and who could really benefit from the support it offers.

Reply [ Report Abuse ]

by Tracey Meskers Location: Chetek WI on Feb 13, 2008 at 05:37 PM

I want to applaud Leigh and Jess (photo journalist for our story) for the amazing job they did. We were hesitant to do the story because we weren't sure how sensitive the media would be but both Leigh and Jess were so thoughtful and kind and went beyond their job. We appreciate all they have done for without them we would not have been able to reach so many people. We wanted to share our story in order to help others dealing with the same tragedy. As Leigh stated there is 1 stillbirth for every 115 births and yet society continues to remain quiet. In order to foster change we need to open our hearts and face this cruel reality. I also want to thank all the people for taking the time to comment on our story--I am so thankful to each of you. You have made a difference in my healing. May God bless you all, Tracey Meskers.

Reply [ Report Abuse ]

by jo Location: wisconsin on Feb 13, 2008 at 04:13 PM

Thank you for the beautiful story re Faith's Lodge and to the family for sharing their story and their sorrow. It was a moving, powerful piece. To me there is nothing worse I can imagine than losing a child. C.J. was an absolutely beautiful baby and seeing him helps us to realize the person this baby was and yet did not get to be, the incredible love for him, and the unimagineable pain of losing him. Thank you for sharing such a painful, beautiful, heartfelt story and such a wonderful resource.

Reply [ Report Abuse ]

by Larry Location: Madison on Feb 13, 2008 at 12:05 AM

I think you and the rest of the staff at NBC15 made the right decision by showing the photos. Like you said, it could be viewed as an incomplete story if you hadn't. I also believe that you can't help solve a problem by educating people about it, if you deny there is a problem in the first place. That's true about a myriad number of things in our society, too. We need to recognize our common humanity instead of walling up our thoughts and feelings. Denial and secrecy are just fear's siblings. Great job!

Reply [ Report Abuse ]

	Weather Authority Watch your local weather 24/7.

	News Links Looking for something you saw on NBC 15? Find it here.

	Double Dollar Deals Experience our area's best restaurants at a Half-Off price.

	Perfect Home Find out how to make your perfect home.

	What's On? Click here to see our program guide.

	The Health Professional Find answers to your health questions.

	Madison Living Advice and services to make the most of life in Madison.

	Money Minute Get advice from the experts at SVA Plumb Financial.