The great blessing of friendship.
The great blessing of friendship.NBC15 Blog Listing
The great blessing of friendship.
Topic Author: Leigh Mills
Posted: 9:05 PM May 19, 2009
Replies Posted: 12 comments
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A recent article in the Wall Street Journal written by Jeffrey Zaslow draws a huge distinction between men and women.

            “Women, more than men, have great urges to hold on tightly to old friends.”

Zaslow writes about a group of friends from Ames, Iowa that has remained close for decades even though distance separates them. His book, The Girls From Ames, tells their story.

And it reminded me of my own story of friendship. I have work friends, family friends, couples friends, college friends… and childhood friends. Not to offend anyone in the former groups… but there is something very special about a friend who has known you for years, even decades.

My group of childhood friends dates back to 1992. We were in middle school. I was the new kid, having moved to Ohio from Michigan. I met my best friend, Stacey, that year and two other great friends, Jill and Erika. The four of us did almost everything together in high school. We played sports, learned how to drive, attended parties, experienced our first kiss (and told!), laughed, cried and everything else in between.

Camping: Stacey, Leigh, Erika

New Year’s Eve: Leigh, Stacey, Jill

It has been 17 years since we first became friends. This past weekend we all met up in Chicago for a girls’ weekend, and we had a blast! It made me realize how much I miss having old friends around, and why I, as Zaslow put it, have a great urge to hold on tightly to them.

Girls’ Trip to Chicago, May 2009: Erika, Stacey, Jill, Leigh

When we get together, it feels like high school all over again. We’re back to our girlish antics and conversations. We laugh. We reminisce. But there’s also a brutal honesty about life that can only be shared with your closest friends, who’ve known you for years. There is something very freeing in knowing that you don’t have to be anyone but yourself. We listen. We give advice. And we walk away knowing it may be months or even years before we’re all together again… but when that happens, it will feel as though no time has gone by at all. That is the beauty of lifelong friendship.

Getting back to Zaslow's column, he cites numerous studies on friendship and its benefits.  A study out of Australia found that close friendships, even more than close family ties, help prolong women's lives.

He also discusses the difference in how men and women build and retain friends... saying that men's friendships tend to be based more on activities than emotions.  They connect through sports, work, poker or politics, while women could sit for hours talking and be content.

What are your thoughts? I hope both men and women will weigh in. Do you value old friendships… why or why not?

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  • by Mr. S and gang Location: Madison on Sep 15, 2010 at 06:51 PM
    Ms. Mills, we just had to say how fabulous you look tonight in that sweater. What great fall colors, collegiate design, and just plain sassy! Just the perfect on-camera color choice. This comment has nothing to do with the blog, but we didn't know how to share our insights. Great job, Ms. Mills, with the news, and your choice of stylish colors. Absolutely the best!
  • by Jeff Location: Janesville on Jun 3, 2009 at 02:33 PM
    Guys value friendships too. A group of us who went to the UW back in the late '80s still get together a couple times a year. We all live in different parts of the country (from NY to Hawaii) but, we still manage to make time to meet up somewhere. We started out having 4 day drinking reunions, now it's down to 3 and only one of them is really a binge. It's great to get together. All egos get checked at the door, because we have dirt on each other and no one is immune.
  • by Packer Fan Location: WI on Jun 1, 2009 at 07:43 PM
    I have lost touch with a lot of the people I have known, but my college roomie and I have been in touch through job changes,graduate school, kids, etc for over twenty-five years. Maybe women do generally hold tighter to old friends but this is someone who I am closer to than my own brother. As you know, there is nothing like a really good friend, someome who knows you really well.
  • by love it! on May 28, 2009 at 01:54 PM
    I've been friends with a fellow group of us 4 girls for 10 years! We all met as Camp Counselors. The past several years we take some sort of vacation together... and we laugh because it always seems one of us can't make the vacation! So one year 3 of us road tripped to Texas, another 3 went via AmTrak to New York, 3 went camping/canoeing for a long weekend, my favorite was 3 of us flying to see the Pacific Northwest. One cruise we met a group of 4 women who were friends for about 40 years. The husbands were there, too, but the women were having more fun since they'd been friends for so long! I can't wait to take more vacations with my friends!~ Joanna, Liz, Myndie, and Shelley
  • by Cassie Location: Madison on May 22, 2009 at 08:10 AM
    Leigh, I definitely find myself really valuing old friendships. I also agree with the notion that women base their friendships in emotions more so than in activities. When I ask myself why I am friends with specific people, it is more likely to be because he or she gets me on an emotional level or understands something very important to me, rather than how many activities we've done together. Thanks for the pictures! I really enjoyed this blog!
  • by Jill Location: C-Town on May 21, 2009 at 04:23 PM
    Had a great time in Chicago! I already miss you girls! I especially miss Leigh's Cavalier station wagon with the turquoise hubcaps! You girls are the best!
  • by Keri Location: Grant county on May 21, 2009 at 01:02 PM
    This is really neat to keep in touch all these years! i have two close friends that we see each other once a year and in between we e-mail or call often. if you have true friends they will be there for you no matter what!! Enjoyed the pics.
  • by Mandi Location: Washington, DC on May 21, 2009 at 11:05 AM
    Leigh, this is a great blog. While, the majority of my friends are from OU, I feel so lucky to have made amazing friends along the way in so many different paths of my life. I am really fortunate for the quality friendships I have from home, college, and my "real world" life in D.C. They all know a little different piece of me and it is so fun when I get to see all those groups of friends merge. Like when you come out here in June and when I have had the chance to meet Stacey and Erika during the events for your wedding. Even though I know you well, I felt like I saw a little new side of you. Anyway, I can't wait to see you next month. Love you!
  • by Stacey Location: Chicago on May 20, 2009 at 09:59 PM
    I don't know how we got to be so lucky to have such a great group of friends. I love you guys and love the time we spend together. You are such a blessing! Love you!
  • by Erika's Dad Location: Ohio on May 20, 2009 at 05:44 PM
    Keep hanging on to those old friends. You can never go back, but you can keep your friends with you forever.
  • by Lori Location: Wisconsin on May 20, 2009 at 11:39 AM
    I agree! My best friend I've had all my life! Her parents and mine were best friends, and we've been good friends since we were born. She was the matron of honor at my wedding! The rest of my really close friendships are from middle/high school (about 25 years ago). We do feel great and act like a group of giggling girls when we get together! It's a blast!!
  • by Erika Location: Cortland, OH on May 20, 2009 at 06:42 AM
    They say a picture is worth a thousand words and I agree! I havent' seen those earlier pictures in a long time and it brings back a lot of fun memories. If having close friends prolongs our lives than we have a lot of years left together. Love ya!
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