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Wednesday Morning Bizarre News Headlines

IOWA-LATE NIGHT COMICS

UNDATED (AP) -- There were the first votes in the 2012 presidential campaign. And a chance for the late night comics to have some fun with the politicians. As the votes in the Iowa caucuses were being counted last night, Jay Leno said it's not just the biggest thing to happen in Iowa -- it's the only thing that happens in Iowa. David Letterman did his Top Ten list on the "signs it might be time to end your presidential campaign." One sign, "people refer to you as Mitt Romney without the charisma."

SUPER BOWL ADS

INDIANAPOLIS (AP) -- If you want a Super Bowl spot -- you're too late. NBC reports commercials for the big game are sold out. The average cost for a 30-second spot this year is $3.5 million. Some slots are going for as much as 4 mil. NBC officials say we can expect to see some longer commercials during the Super Bowl. Seth Winter, senior vice president of NBC Sports, says the longer-form ads will give the sponsors a chance to highlight their creativity. You can judge for yourself February 5th.

CAPITOL POLICE-FITNESS CHALLENGE

WASHINGTON (AP) -- There's a new effort to fight bloat on Capitol Hill. But it's not a move to trim the budget or even the federal deficit. The government "waist" at issue here is the waistlines of Capitol Police officers. The agency is holding a weight loss challenge for both officers and civilian employees. The competition started yesterday with an official weigh-in. The belly-busting cops will be facing off in teams of four. The team with the greatest percentage of weight loss wins. The fat fight runs until March 30th.

MILLION DOLLAR BILL

LEXINGTON, N.C. (AP) -- Got change for a million? Michael Fuller is due in court Friday to answer charges he tried to pass a million-buck bill at a North Carolina Wal-Mart. Of course, there's no such thing as a million-dollar bill. The largest U.S. bill currently in circulation is $100. The government stopped issuing bills of up to 10-grand in 1969. Authorities in Davidson County charge Fuller tried to buy a vacuum cleaner, a microwave oven and other stuff. Wal-Mart workers say he insisted the million-dollar greenback was the real thing.

DECK STOLEN

CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. (AP) -- Nice deck. But now it's gone. Someone's swiped the deck off the back of a Clarksville, Tennessee, home. Jadranko Beslic and his wife lived in the house while he was in the Army. Now, they live in Atlanta. A friend was returning to Fort Campbell and said she wanted to rent the home. But when the prospective tenants came to look at the place, they noticed the deck was gone. Beslic says he's stumped as to why anyone would want to steal his deck. He tells a local paper (Leaf-Chronicle) they've filed a police report and an insurance claim.

GORILLA LOVE

DALLAS (AP) -- Patrick is behaving a like a big ape. But will Madge and Shanta be the gorillas of his dreams? Patrick is a 21-year-old lowland gorilla at the Dallas Zoo. Madge and Shanta are a couple of gorilla girls from the Cincinnati Zoo. They're now in Dallas and zoo keepers hope the sparks -- but not the fur -- will be flying. Patrick bit a another female that had been brought to the zoo for breeding. The Dallas Morning News reports the new ladies will be introduced gradually to Patrick. They'll be put in adjacent enclosures to see how they get along.

by Jamie Friar

Copyright 2012. The Associated Press.


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